That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
