his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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