my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
