i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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