you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
