i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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