Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
