I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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