Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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