So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
