i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
