just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
