well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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