I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
