your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
