he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
