I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
two words...techno handjob
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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