i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
