Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
