you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
