Having a random hookup so left but love u
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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