What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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