Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
