I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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