I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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