i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
