party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is Oprah even human
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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