was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
