Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
