You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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