it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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