i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
