highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I love having hate sex.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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