Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
