I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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