New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
