When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
