how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
