I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
