Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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