i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
