my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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