FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
