we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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