Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
