they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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