dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
