Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
