We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
