iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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