Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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