hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
